14 Things no one tells you about receiving oral sex
1. There is zero chance your vagina smells weird. If you took a shower within the last 24 hours, you probably smell awesome. Do you smell like fresh-cut roses? No, but neither do penises. And if something does smell kind of weird, you should probably see a doctor, so it's good to know if that's the case.
2. You don't have to just lie there terrified of making one false move. It's OK to move your body if you feel like it. It's not surgery. You're not going to mess anything up on his end, and if you do, he can always change what he's doing to work with what you're doing.
3. Your vagina looks like a vagina. It doesn't look ugly, it doesn't look weird, it looks like a vagina. And literally every photo of a vagina I've ever seen has looked incredibly awesome to me. I'm pretty sure your sex partner feels the same.
4. It's OK to tell him his skills need work. That thing he's doing where he's twisting your clit like it's the knob on a door he's angrily trying to open? Telling him to cut that shit out is perfectly acceptable.
5. You can tell him to keep doing that without sounding like a cheerleader from 1967. That thing he's doing that's making your entire body feel like it's underwater? Tell him never to stop doing that thing in a way that seems relaxed and casual and not like you have a megaphone and a can-do spirit.
6. If you're not enjoying it, he might just be really bad at it. You heard me! Just because you're hating it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Odds are he's just really bad at going down on you.
7. One move worked on some other girl he's been with, but that doesn't have to mean jack shit to you. So Lisa really loved his weird ass move where he bends his tongue into a figure 8 and slaps you with it? Good for her. You're not Lisa and he needs to get his shit together and figure out what you like.
8. If he gets mad that it's taking you too long, haha, no. He is a piece of garbage. Maybe if he were better at it, it'd go faster. Also, why does he need it to be quick? Where does he have to be? Clear your schedule, bro.
9. Sitting there and wondering if it's taking too long means you're not in the moment experiencing it, which means it'll just take even longer. Take all the damn time you need. Lie down and relax like you're on a beach with nowhere to be. You deserve it.
10. It's OK to straight-up ask him to do it instead of waiting for him to initiate. Telling a guy exactly what you want him to do to you is hot unless he is a total weirdo mutant, in which case you don't need him near your vulva anyway.
11. It will totally feel awkward at first. Your face is where I pee. Your face is where I pee. Your face is where I pee.
12. Trying to do it in a chair is not as easy as it looks in movies. It takes a navigational system, an ergonomically designed chair, and some seriously clean floors to get anywhere with this.
13. He might make some sounds that are horrible. Weird moans he thinks will turn you on are a very distinct possibility. Also possible are sex noises that actually help you have an orgasm. It's a real roll of the dice.
14. That slurp sound your body makes.. You both just have to ignore this and carry on.